In case you’ve ever wondered what it’s like to live with an emotionally abusive husband, all you have to do is listen to Trump. I’ve been triggered by him every day of his presidency – and for a large portion of his candidacy. It’s infuriating, exhausting and so ignorantly condescending that it breaks my heart. I started to jot down a couple of the ways the president reminds me of “him” on Facebook and before I knew it, I’d written an entire blog post. I’ve written it all in one long paragraph not because my editing skills are lacking but because this endless bombardment of thing after thing after thing after thing is precisely how it feels when you’re living in the trenches with a narcissistic douchebag. This was written very much as a stream of consciousness; I’ll keep it as raw as possible to retain its sense of the reality in which I lived for 10+ years:
He always believes he always knows best and is always right. He believes he has total power and control over every single thing in the relationship (and often outside of it). If he says it, it is fact (“so live with it”). He will talk over you because he knows better what you’re going to say than you do. The only agenda that matters is his. You are only there for him to use at his whim. Disagree or be unavailable to do his bidding and there are very bad consequences. You will be discredited, undermined, embarrassed publicly – not to mention reminded of your place in private. Your emotions will frequently be tested and manipulated, just to prove “whose side you’re on.” When and if he changes his mind or course of action and you dare to question, he will deny that he has, even though you witnessed it. Should you press the issue, your sanity or ability to judge will be brought into question. His desires ALWAYS are more important than yours. There is no compromise because his are the most important needs/wants (duh!). He THRIVES on creating drama, then insists on praise and recognition as the “hero” when he “solves” the problems he has himself created. He believes himself to be the smartest person in any room, a natural born leader of people. He’s a boastful braggart with not even a shred of humility. He does not care about your accomplishments. If he can utilize your knowledge or talent to make himself look bigger, better, wiser, he will, but gives your input no acknowledgment whatsoever. He subscribes to “magical” thinking, convinced that, if he wants something to be true or false, happen, or not happen, he can “will” it into being. He believes that his actions are always correct, just, and appropriate. Even in the face of contradictory evidence, he will insist that he is right, YOU are lying or being dishonest. He, in fact will lie, cheat, steal and even admit to horrible acts while twisting his words and “motives” to make these atrocities seem inconsequential (because of the big “special” person he is, compared to others). He can never show or admit confusion, weakness or lack of knowledge, because he is an “alpha” male. Those who do not know are considered “stupid.” Those who do express emotions or any sort of what he considers “character flaws” are inherently lesser humans than he. But how easily awed he is by those powerful few he looks up to. It’s nothing short of hero worship and under their spell, he’s as gullible as can be. He feels he’s is entitled to better things because he is innately better than others. One of his favorite expressions, borrowed from an old friend, was, “Ya know why the poor are poor? Because they’re POOR at doing everything.” Oh, today “someone’s” awakened in a surly mood… Bet it won’t be 15 minutes before he’s making sure mine is just as shitty. He’ll find something to pick at or on or about and first, blame me; second, blow it out of proportion, times 10. Whatever fouls his mood surely couldn’t come from within himself, for he is perfectly fine. It is others and the world that is flawed and out to make him miserable. Oh, and the hissy-fit to full-on rage! That’s always a treat. He’s so fucking sensitive, you never know when his fragile ego will be riled. What will his reaction be this time. Griping and bitching, angry stomping, wild man punching walls and me? Who knows? I’m always be on the alert for the next wave reaction to something that displeases his royal highness. Most everything does. He very rarely experiences pleasure. Even less often demonstrates remorse or compassion. No lean, mean, fighting machine himself, he never misses an opportunity to comment negatively on someone else’s appearance. He frequently makes mention of my flaws, then expects gratitude when he generously offers to “overlook” them. The blame game is constant. His world sucks and it is all (fill-in-the-blank’s) fault! No one ever shows enough (or the right style of) gratitude for that which he does for them. He’s always “owed.” He’s crass and vulgar; he says simply awful things about people. A bigot, racist, misogynist… he can say something crude about anyone without ever entertaining the notion that it could be hurtful – or even incorrect. He never shies away from making a scene in public because he feels that expressing his feelings as they come up is more important than any kind of inner examination. He went to several therapists over the years, but once he was given certain prescriptions, he would be miraculously “cured.” When the medications stopped working, however, those professionals were soon dubbed “hacks.” Even as a grown woman, I get no acknowledgment of my own competency. He’s incapable of trusting that I can live without him making certain that every detail of my life is planned for me.
I soon proved him wrong on that count. My last straw came when he exercised a particularly devious manipulation on me, attempting to make me responsible for the consequences of a decision he’d made. Nope. I put my foot down. He didn’t like it but, as he ultimately always did, he ran to Mommy and Daddy to make it better, made me out to be the “bad guy” and limped away with his tail between his legs. That’s what bullies do when you finally stand up to their tyranny. They’re the ones who were running scared the whole time.
Are you falling in love with this sweetheart of a guy yet? Before knowing Trump, you would have thought I was making this character up out of thin air, wouldn’t you? Are you going to vote for this fine, upstanding individual? Yeah, I didn’t think you would.